And I cant help but wonder how you can feel anything for anyone that isnt me. But then again I am being selfish, because the only thing I feel for you, with any form of definition, is anger. I guess when I push people away, I am doing them a favor. I am nothing but deception. I don’t know what I want, and there is nothing worse then an indecisive person who can fall in love with anything. I wish I cared more about your feelings or any type of feeling what so ever. I am on a road with broken doors, locked with keys I’ve thrown away. Sometimes I find that one things and I’ve feel like I’ve finally made my way out, but the same road that leads me to you, will lead me back to those locked doors. I’m drowning in this pavement, and I’m afraid no one notices. 

If I try to be anything it’s to be the strongest person I know. I want to only rely on myself. I’ve done a pretty good job for seventeen years. My walls are to save me from the disasters you may bring me. I rather tell a blog about my day, then tell someone I know. I don’t expect answers or casually nods. I know no insecurities and I disregard all feelings. And now, seventeen years later, my walls are graffitied with all the shit I have done in my life, all the people I have met, the effect those people have had on me, the words of my parents, the lyrics of the best songs, the things I should have done, the people I wish I would have talked to, and im just hoping there is more for me.